Day 5 - ‘Some nights, you dance with tears in your eyes’ – Self Control

When it rains, it truly pours.

I have spent the past 8 days or so fighting for my life. I attribute this to capitalism, the flu, and an inferior laptop (I downloaded a heavy system, and it almost took out my laptop…but thank God for a good fundi I know, my baby is back after paying the good fundi a hefty amount). I also blame the cold Nairobi experience, but as I write this, the sky is blue, and the sunshine is marvellous. So, thank God for Sunshine.

Lol, legit as the reasons above are, I honestly feel they are just excuses, because If I wanted, I would, yes? This is to say, that I am once again happy to be writing & editing again.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Real-world events may have inspired some aspects of the story below, but overall, this is a work of Fiction. Any similarities to real events or persons are unintentional.

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‘Some nights, you dance with tears in your eyes’ – Self Control

This lyric explains my current state. I am at my happy place, in the shower. A place where I can be free from my bad thoughts, where I have the most concise and creative ideas pop up, and where I get solutions to my problems. As I said, a happy place.

Today was a good day for me as an advocate. I was promoted to be a partner at work. My hard work, my smart work & personality all contributed to this. It is a very big deal. I became the youngest person to have a partner at the age of 29.  The first litigation advocate to make it as a partner in my company. The first lady to make a partner after four years. The first person in my family to make to partner. I have uncles and older cousins who are in this field. As I said, it is a very big deal.

After work at 5 PM, the managing partner, Leon took me out to a celebratory dinner. He has been my mentor and someone who I look up to in the field. He has played a crucial role in my climbing the ladder. I have nothing but respect for him. I later joined my friends for a polite night out at this club to celebrate. It has been a long time coming with them. Seeing each other grow in different fronts of life is and continues to be quite a joy!

But that night I danced with tears, and not tears of joy! The dancing was for joy but the tears…it was sadness. The worst part is none of my friends nor Mr. Leon knew that amidst the joy, there was pain. Maybe I did a good job concealing it.

Yesterday, I got an email from Femi. Attached are two photos.

Femi is my long-term. We’ve been together since I was 21 years old. He proposed to me in a very public proposal a month ago. It was a very rushed proposal. Rushed because we had planned to focus on wedding plans when I turn 32. This was to give him at least 3 years for him to ‘prepare himself financially for future responsibilities.” I understood him.

He had invited my friends, family and even my close colleagues to witness the proposal. It was too much for me. After the proposal, he travelled to Lagos, his home, for work and to prepare his family for my coming. To be introduced to my new family-in-law. But it has been 20 days since I last talked to him. His phone was not going through. I called his brother, and he told me he was fine and would call me once he was settled. I am still waiting for his call.

Yesterday was when the email came. I opened the pictures attached and I could feel my heart shattering. Femi, my Femi was dressed in Nigerian attire – wedding attire with a woman… It was a Yoruba wedding ceremony. My Femi was marrying the lady. The body of the email was.

“My love, at times, a man must do what he must do. I am so sorry you had to find this way, but the least I could do was tell you why I have been silent. I must do this for my parents… family responsibilities.

I know this is a lot. I will give you time to process.

I am sorry my baby! I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me.

Love,

Femi.

I cried the whole night yesterday. Today morning, I put on adult pants and went to work like nothing happened. I have not come to terms with what I read and the picture I saw. I have operated like a robot the whole day. But right now, in this shower… all the feels and realization of what just happened hit me. And unlike other times when I am in this shower, I have no solution to my problem. 

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The End