Nviiri Inspired - Niko Sawa !

Nviiri was her favourite singer, she thought he really sounded amazing! ‘A young talented beautiful man who I would not mind getting to know, as friends of course…’  Maggy then winked and giggled sheepishly because she knew she did not mean as a friend friend; he was her crush. We all knew that. But this entire article is not about Maggy nor Nviiri, so we will jump straight into it, shall we?

Nviiri is a Kenyan musician (I have to say this for two categories of people: the first category is for one or two of my non-Kenyan readers and the other category is for Kenyans who live under the rocks, in caves, because surely, how do you not Nviiri?) So, he just released his song Niko Sawa – ft Bien. Here is the song, you are welcome :)  https://youtu.be/xHN_G3jdbdA  So, this led us to a discussion of nonchalance and conflict management in relationships, romantic ones.

On Nonchalance: 

Going by the Cambridge dictionary, Nonchalance is the calm behaviour that suggests you are not interested or do not care. 

In my own view, it is more like pretending or performing. In the song kama uko sawa me Niko sawa, (if you are good, I am also good) the subject of the song is one guy in distress in this thing called love. He says he is fine but after deciphering the song, he needs therapy, and someone to save him ASAP! With a line like “I don't wanna argue ka uko sawa me niko sawa’ but then goes ahead and gives heavy, factual issues in his relationship and he says ako sawa? Boy, please! In the song, Diana is introduced, the lover of the subject asking who she (Diana) is (read trust issues) In the chorus, he goes ahead say’ ...cause love is not here anymore, I guess we’ll never know...” when the singer sings ‘Oh it’s such a shame, kila saa tunagombana, lini tutaelewa?’  (Communication issue). So, before I proceed, this piece article is heavily inspired by the Song Niko Sawa – Nviiri ft Bien, if this was not obvious from the beginning :)

As a lover of healthy confrontation, I have a love-hate relationship with this song. Love as it is a beautiful song, beautifully written. So, after listening to it a couple of times, I ask myself, why pretend when you have an issue or when something is eating you up for the sake of peace? Why do we not like challenges? Life is all about solving problems, level after level? Don't people believe this? Just think about it, as a child, you had to overcome challenges, e.g. – you needed to be independent to adapt to this life of the jungle. You were taught skills for that, skills like eating, and walking after that, you went to school to learn skills that will make you fit into this world, speaking, writing, and even learning to socialize. As an employee, employer, business owner or entrepreneur all the daily tasks that you perform, in one way, or another is towards solving a particular problem. Think about it. 

One challenge of relationships is conflict. Our culture is not one that embraces conflict. Conflict means that we have different views, personalities, and grew up in different environments or it is just a misunderstanding. Conflict is a beautiful thing. Life would be a bit boring if we had everyone be agreeable with everything we are saying or even doing.

Conflicts improve any form of the relationship if it is handled well. If the ‘oppressed’ raises an issue and the ‘oppressor’ not only listen to him/her but also intend to address the issue at hand, both parties will have overcome a hurdle, and this will make them stronger than ever. The couple would most definitely feel like they have grown past the issue. There is something about going through a bumpy ride with a loved one. You appreciate the relationship, even more, also if I may add, it makes beautiful stories in future. 

‘Avoiding relationships is not the answer to avoiding pain. In fact, relationship conflicts are more likely to push you to self-reflection and inner growth than isolation will. Even if you keep to yourself, your ego will create its own conflicts through feelings of self-pity, guilt, or anxiety.’ -  Eckhart Tolle, 

I think what I am trying to say is conflict is a beautiful thing in a relationship if ALL the parties involved are willing to work through it. If one of the parties is not willing to, trying to solve the problem is as useless as tits on a bull. Don’t do it, sis or King! Don’t! You will know this of course in due time when you observe a person’s behaviour… so it will take time before you know but you will know. So, keep watching!

I feel as though I have rambled and rambled on this article, but I hope it makes sense. Conflict is part of life and it's paramount that we all have conflict management skills and techniques to solve the issues at hand in order to have beautiful and healthy relationships. Effective communication is one way. And let’s not forget comprehension!

So, my dears, I wish you nothing but good conflict management techniques in your current and future relationships because you need them. Don’t be that guy who says kama Uko Sawa Niko sawa at the sight of passive-aggressiveness of a partner and don’t be the partner who is the queen or king of passive-aggressiveness. You are a grown-up, sawa? Of course, this won happen without working on ourselves. So, let's strive to be better people … for better relationships and better life.

 

Yours,

Stacy.