Blooming Nancy.

(Part of a phone call conversation between Nancy and I)

....

I am the weirdo who keeps writing letters to my future self.

Yeah?

Yes.

I don’t think that classifies you as a weirdo Nancy.

Really? I once told Nick and, in not the exact words, he told me that the habit was giving me depression.

Nick is Nancy’s ex-boyfriend. Prayers up that he is now at the very least, an open-minded person.

Forget that guy Nancy.

It's not that easy… but you would not know.

One thing about Nancy, she is the queen of shade, and I knew exactly what she meant by the last five words. So, I promptly changed the subject before she triggered some more.

Could you share with me any letter you wrote to yourself?

Will you write about it if I share it with you?

Do you want me to?

If it will make you go back to posting on your tu-blog, yes. You should share your work more often, you know?

Eeeh…. Madam, you have a lot to tell me, aye? Okay then, if you share, I will post something before Friday, and promise to be more consistent.

Fantastic! Check your email. Send me a link after you have posted on your blog.

Sawa basi!  Anything you don’t want me to write about? Any limits?

Just don’t use my real name or anyone’s real name. Aside from that, knock yourself out! Surprise me!

Okay, thank you.

***

Nancy’s Letter (Paraphrased Version)

Dear Future Nancy,

You are sitting by the beach along the Indian Ocean while you are writing this. You are in Diani for a short, solo vacation (3 days).

The hastiness of the city almost finished you…you could not stay a day in that space as you felt you could not breathe. You had thoughts of being finished by the world. But you remembered who you were and decided to take charge of your feelings and life. You remember you were God’s child and above everything else, you know His promises in your life. I am proud of you for fighting whatever bad thoughts you had.  

You broke up with Nick, this time for good. That alone is an answered prayer. The cycle of the Ons and Offs was just too much. Both of us hated each other. At this moment, you acknowledge the part you played in that chaotic relationship. Thank God for therapy!

Your parents are out of the country for work, and you can’t run home to get the shelter you need from the world. So, the beach will be your shelter for now. You realize that the sound of the waves is healing. Nature is healing.

You have been celibate for a year. Congratulations! It has not been easy. The unsent texts, uncalled calls and unrequested requests turned into some nasty letters and poems that you hope will be for your eyes only (Hello J Cole) and maybe your future partner.

Your body is changing. You are blooming right now. The other day, one of your co-workers who had no boundaries in what he said to anyone said, “Nancy, you are growing into a woman’s body now…you are ripe, you need to tell your boyfriend to hurry up before you expire.” That man is the age of your father. You were so livid when he said that. But you also empathised with his daughter who was just in high school. You prayed that the man gets some wisdom from the good Lord. Because after he said that, in a meeting, he was moderating, what did he expect you to say? Thank you. So Absurd.

Anyways, yes, your body is changing. And as much as it is a good thing, you do not like the attention that comes with it. Future Nancy, are you now comfortable with the attention you get? The male gaze? Women ask left right and centre if you go to the gym and what is your diet plan. Are you used to all this by now?

Did I mention you are going back to God? You are determined to Find Him again. You forgot about him for a hot minute as you were trying to ‘live’, trying to make money and trying to keep a man who had decided he did not want to be kept. Yoh! You were going through it. You found a small community of believers who you meet weekly to discuss life. They are normal people. Not the holier than thou people who you do not like. You are in between churches… trying to find one that will work for you.

You are putting in the work. You are showing up for yourself. I am Proud of you.

Signed,

Blooming Nancy.