Body Dysmorphia, Bosco , Fear And So Much More !

 In the spirit of ‘we learn something new every day’, we learn the meaning of body dysmorphia :

‘Body dysmorphic disorder is a mental health condition in which you can't stop thinking about one or more perceived defects or flaws in your appearance — a flaw that appears minor or can't be seen by others.’

-Definition from the google

I won’t lie to you guys that I knew this term before last week. Don’t get me wrong, I knew that sometimes the mind tricks us to exaggerate what we think but I did not know we have a term in the dictionary for it. If you really dig words, (logophiles – people who are in love with words), you know there is a term for everything under the sun! I heard about this term from one of my favourite podcasts at the moment, It’s Related I Promise by the lovely three ladies who are the hosts. It was entertaining and eye-opening. It was a lovely conversation. So, shout out It’s related I promise Podcast!

Now that we know and understand the meaning of body dysmorphia, I could not fail to compare what other ‘body dysmorphic conditions’ we experience in life. Life dysmorphic condition if I may call it. This may be enabled by various factors such as fear, shame, perfectionism, societal voices, or even societal pressure.

 

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I have a colleague who is 54 years old, let’s name him Bosco. Bosco has worked in the Finance industry in different companies in Nairobi since 1999. He has one kid, and one wife (as far as we know) in the city. Bosco makes my day because he is hilarious, shameless, and mostly annoying. He will utter everything on his mind without hesitation, to his detriment sometimes. We around him are used to him because we cannot correct him every time, he speaks about things that may be flawed or even be termed controversial, we let it slide. One thing about my colleagues and I, we like peace, and we do not want trouble. Also, we are smart enough to know old habits die hard and how difficult it is to teach an old dog a new trick. Not that I am saying Bosco is a dog, but… metaphor, you get it?

Bosco is a charismatic man. He walks into a room that is dull and almost immediately, he brightens the room. But despite his full-of-life personality, his view of life and how he perceives life is quite the opposite of his larger-than-life personality. He is too careful and cautious, almost borderline fearful. I don’t know where this stemmed from. Was it from how he was raised by his caretakers? He mentioned he is the last born and the only boy in a family of 6 girls. Could this be? Could it be because he is an Arsenal fan? Is it from what he has experienced in life for over half a century he has lied on this God’s green earth? I honestly don’t know why but sometimes he gives that fearful aura, and it is quite concerning to me. Do not get me wrong, I also am fearful at times, but there is some level of fear that is crippling, that causes you to be numb and leads to inaction. That is what I am talking about.  The fear that makes you too comfortable to try new things out, to take any type of risk. Because we live in a chaotic world where most people are, for lack of a better word, borderline mad because they move mad. Safety and comfort are not what is rewarded by this world. And it will cost you a lot! Granted, in the same scenario, playing safe and not taking risks are strengths. This is where wisdom comes in!

Bosco is in awe every time I do things that he considers risky, such as cycling along Thika Road or even in Karura Forest and other activities within Nairobi. Bosco saw my driving license the other day and he was in awe that a babe in her 20s can drive in Nairobi and even the CBD. His shock was giving patriarchal vibes if we are being honest, but let’s not go into that. So, upon recognizing his shock I asked him if he knew how to drive. He told me he does not know how to drive … he wants to, but he feels that he is too old to go to driving school to be taught how to drive. He tells me that he will, however, enrol his son to a driving school as soon as he finishes high school. My heart sank for a minute. Because I know that if Bosco really wanted to learn how to drive, he would. It was not a matter of money or time because our work is quite flexible. I know that he has limitations in his mind. After that conversation, my heart was just too sad for me to continue engaging with him. So, I sent him a pdf of the NTSA driving booklet, and hope that maybe that will arouse his curiosity and maybe conquer what is in his mind that is telling him that he is too old to learn driving or any skill really.

 

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From my interaction with Bosco, I wrote something that future me (and now that you are reading this, you…Yes You) will always remember as I do this life thing!

I hope one day, you will view life as a dance…and you are the dancer,

I hope you discover that life, more often than not, is never that serious,

maybe that is hard to comprehend, you could try viewing it as a game and you are a player in it,

And as a player, it is crucial to know when the aim of the game is to have fun, to show up or to win.

I hope you don’t limit yourself because of your age … saying that you are too old to do anything, those utterances should not come out of your beautiful mouth.

To Bosco:

I pray that your son understands how much he is loved and cared for!

The sacrifices you make for him are out of this world! I pray that he makes you proud, but also, I pray that God gives you the wisdom to decipher what goals and aspirations are his and what are yours so that the kid does not have pressure from here to Timbuktu to achieve his and yours! Or he becomes so overwhelmed that he becomes a rebel! My prayers and well wishes to him!

Parenting is a gift and a responsibility that is hard, yet so fulfilling! I hear it from Bosco every day as he talks about his son!

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Dear reader,

I know this article is a little bit everywhere from body dysmorphia, to fear, and parenting. This is me pushing an end to writer’s block, finding inspiration to write again, publishing and fighting the perfectionism in me which in a way leads to the inaction of not writing, publishing and being consistent! So here I am, not perfect, crusty, and still showing up! A win is a win! We try again tomorrow, God willing! Cheers!  Thank you for reading and if courageous enough, tell me what you think 😊